What's Up Wednesday and IWSG: On self-confidence, and owning the title of Author!

It's time for What's Up Wednesday, a weekly meme run by Erin L Funk and Jaime Morrow. Here's what I've been up to this past week!


What I'm reading

I've been reading Stolen Songbird, a fabulous YA fantasy which puts a totally new spin on trolls! I absolutely loved it, and I really hope the next book's published - it deserves to be! (The book was published by Strange Chemistry, which sadly closed its doors a few weeks ago. :( )

I also read Trudi Canavan's latest book, Thief's Magic, and I really enjoyed it! I loved the Black Magician trilogy, and this looks set to be another exciting and creative series.

I also finished the Incarnate trilogy, and happily, the books kept getting better! Such a well-planned and original series. And the covers are gorgeous, too. 


 

What I'm writing

I'm about to go back to revising my MG fantasy! I got feedback from several beta readers, as well as one of my regular CP's who gives really detailed notes, so I'm ready to dive into another edit. But, um, slightly impatient, because I can't actually start the edit until I'm done with various Darkworld things happening behind the scenes which need me to be fully focused. So I started working on another short Darkworld-related mini-project, in an attempt to stay sane while waiting for certain emails...
  What inspires me


Lovely, encouraging feedback on a story I love! I'm really inspired to make changes which will make the book even better. :)

What else I've been up to

Working, waiting, and more waiting! Trying to distract myself from refreshing my inbox constantly. One of the problems with expecting important editorial emails but not knowing when they'll actually arrive is that I get nervous about making other plans. Inevitably, when I plan something non-work-related, I'll get an email which I've been waiting weeks/months for, and have to hole up in the Editing Cave. Every. Single. Time. Now, this is why a crystal ball would be handy...


 
It's also time for IWSG! The Insecure Writer's Support Group is the creation of Ninja Captain Alex, and is a great way for writers to share their worries, support and encouragement.

Self-confidence is a wobbly bridge. Fact. A lot of writers suffer low self-esteem and self-belief, and bizarrely, this doesn’t go away after being published – in fact, it often escalates. Being published means putting yourself out there, being judged, even getting hateful emails/DM’s telling you that you don’t deserve to call yourself an author (sad but true). And that old friend: the inferiority complex.

Before I was published, I never imagined that being with a small (but growing) indie press would lead to ostracism by book stores, event organisers, bloggers, even some other authors. At first, everyone kept congratulating me on achieving my dream, and I happily rode the high…until I came crashing down. I started 2013 as an excited writer on the brink of releasing her first book, and ended in a worse place, mentally, than I’d begun. It was the little things that hurt the most. Being excluded from debut author groups, being labelled as “aspiring” rather than “actual author” on the grounds that I don’t yet have an agent - and not daring to complain or even mention this publically. But I figured it's time to be honest about it. It hasn't been easy. Publishing is a rollercoaster by nature, and of course, it's great having a book out there! But at the same time, yes, there's vulnerability. There's haters. There's poor Netgalley reviews in your inbox on Christmas Eve. There's the one person who emails you the link to their negative review of your book, informing you they've posted it on all retailer sites. And then asking for a free copy of your next book.

Negativity aside, I'm sure every writer dreams of seeing their book on shelves in a bookshop. That hasn't happened for me yet, even though I have a great publisher who's doing everything they can to increase distribution - and I'm actually pretty optimistic in that direction! I live in the UK, though, and most bookshops won't touch print-on-demand books, even from small presses. There's even a policy against self-published books in one of the major retailers, and virtually no independent stores outside of London. So, no signings or events - and another knock to the confidence. I’ve spent the past few months afraid to try for opportunities, in case I get knocked back again like I have so many times, afraid to connect with “real” authors online (though admittedly, having social anxiety doesn't help!) – but what is a “real author”?

Someone who’s published a book. That’s the definition of "author".

So, it’s time to step outside my comfort zone. It’s time to own that title – Author. Because it’s what I am, whatever haters might say. If you’ve published a book, you’re an author - whether you're self-published, indie press, or traditional. Even if you’ve sold only one copy, or if you’re a mega-bestseller. If you have an agent or publisher. If you used to have an agent or publisher. If you go it alone, or go hybrid. You’re an author.

Which means it's time to face my fear. I'm going to my first event on the 12th July, YALC - the UK's first YA Lit Con (in London)! As I don't have a UK publisher, I won't be on any panels or signing, but I'll bring business cards and Darkworld bookmarks, just in case. I won't lie, I'm pretty nervous. As well as having social anxiety, I'm also an introvert who does not feel comfortable in large crowds, especially when I don't know anyone. But I'm hoping that it won't be too overwhelming, and that I might even run into some UK Twitter people!

*deep breath* So I'm putting on my Real Author hat, and though I might be scared, I'm excited, too! :)